Recently we have been trying to develop the level of detail in writing across year 6. Currently they struggle to manage more than a paragraph before lapsing into a rushed story that finishes quicker than the setting description at the start. To help them improve this we looked at writing a short description of a picture and then getting them to write what happened 10 seconds before it and 10 seconds after it, 10 minutes before, 10 minutes after and so on. Although not always a realistic option it really helped to show how much they were guilty of ignoring in their writing along with allowing some to show just how well they could do it. In a bid to make the most of this I attempted a lesson on Friday using three different comic extracts and a simple premise. Choose the story you would like to continue the most and do so. Now obviously I didn’t just want them to carry on a story, I emphasised how I wanted to see lots of details, description and depth to their writing rather than the inevitable rushed ending and party to celebrate (you all know the one where the whole town comes to celebrate and if necessary they get married!) I also removed the 10 second, 10 minute premise but all pupils agreed that following that slower approach would help them to improve the detail and description in their work.

One of the three story prompts on offer. (The City of Ember)

I chose three extracts that would offer different challenges including one from the book Monstress (definitely not primary suitable) which was the most difficult to continue writing but posed a nice challenge for the more ambitious writers on the day. The other two extracts were from The City of Ember (see above and below) and contained nice open page endings that could continue in a multitude of different ways. One big mistake I made was giving them the whole page of text instead of just the final panel which seemed too distracting for many or even led to them describing the page rather than the next events, in future use I will only give them the bare minimum of material to ensure greater focus. This issue aside the texts offered a large scope and the class seemed enthused about having the choice of story that suited their tastes best. All three texts were used by multiple people but the page finishing with “Did you hear that?” was easily the favourite, especially with less confident writers.

Like always success was mixed and some people more than rose to the occasion while others floundered in a sea of distractions (not helped by being the last day of term!) However there was still plenty to gain from the activity and I look forward to repeating it in the future with some different texts and the adaptations I suggested above. Some pupils seemed to focus on the events leading up to these pages more than the next events but in some circumstances they did it very well. Most importantly a more patient approach was displayed in the majority of writing and a desire to use a wider range of vocabulary was evident. Below are some examples of writing that really embodied the tasks intent, showed patience and displayed wider vocabulary.

An extract from Monstress that was very carefully selected due to the books graphic nature and heavy profanity making it unsuitable for primary as a whole text. Well worth reading though for personal enjoyment.

“Their footsteps echoed through the endless corridor.”

“Someone was in the room, a shadow appeared on the wall and it wasn’t human at all.”

“Slowly the candle light lit up the grand beasts face peeping from the darkness which revealed a huge wolf covered in gold chains and jewelry with dry blood slathered over its body.”

“The two stood there paralysed by the sight in front of them, their eyes filled with endless horror.”

“Slowly a dark figure emerged from the shadows.”

“Slowly they walked, eager to leave.”

“A slight cough was formed from the woman suffering on the uneven floor, struggling to breathe and forcing herself to find oxygen in order to keep herself alive.”

These are the best extracts I could find and there were others who certainly didn’t reach these levels but it was pleasing to see that even with some finding the task difficult, there were those who managed to produce some engaging writing. Not all of the work above comes from the supposed best writers in the class as well, several students who often struggle to produce quality descriptive work really rose to the occasion whilst several who often flourish failed to reach their usual heights.